In a recent episode of her podcast, Dr. Caroline Leaf shared her thoughts on how to overcome the obstacle of disappointment and failure. (Leaf, 2019). We've all been there – something doesn't go as planned, something gets cancelled, something gets done incorrectly, disregarded, or just plain forgotten. The mistake typically results in a disappointment, or even a feeling of failure, even if there is nothing you could have done to prevent it. There are five steps she suggests taking to deal with the reality of disappointments without letting them rule your life: 

1) Acknowledge the disappointment 

2) Reflect on the disappointment 

3) Write down your thoughts and discoveries about the disappointment 

4) Determine how to make the situation work for you 

5) Turn the disappointment into an opportunity to learn and grow. (Leaf, 2019). 

All of these suggestions sound 100% valid to me... but how many times have we allowed a disappointment to rule our lives? We allow ourselves to sink deeper into a hole of "if only" and "should have." As a recovering perfectionist, I've been there more times than I can count. Perhaps the most important lesson I've learned is this: We can’t change what happened, but we CAN change how we react to it, how we perceive it, and what we take away from the experience. 

Instead of making excuses, accept that the disappointment has happened and why it has happened. Instead of letting it fester in your mind, reflect on it. Instead of complaining about it, journal about it. Instead of allowing it to ruin your day, your week, your month, your year, pivot.  

Instead of digging that hole deeper, use your experience to pull yourself back up. Resilience is key, my friends. 

References 

Leaf, Dr. Caroline. (2019, April 1). Episode #72: How to correctly deal with disappointment and failure. Dr. Caroline Leaf Podcast. Podcast retrieved from https://overcast.fm/+LiAc_6zVU.