Transactional vs. Actual Love

In our last blog post, we talked about the different motivations for the clientele of sex workers. Contrary to what one might expect, not all of these motivations seem abusive or exploitative at first glance. In fact, some clientele report seeking out sex workers because they are simply seeking intimacy with another human being. There are plenty of stories from women in the sex industry as well, explaining that some of their clients don’t even touch them because all they want to do is talk. Some women have even gone so far as to say that they chose that line of work to “help” those who feel lonely. Faced with this information, I can’t help but conclude that one of the driving forces behind the continued demand for sex work is a deeply misguided understanding of what true love and intimacy should look like. 

While it is true that going to a prostitute or escort can provide people with temporary feelings of closeness, it is ultimately harmful because everyone involved begins to see love and intimacy as transactional. Both parties learn that in order to receive kindness, love, or time with someone, they are required to give something of themselves first. The girls who are working learn that they are only as valuable as their bodies and the sexual services they provide. They learn that people are only willing to spend time with them if they can give something in return. Interestingly, the clients can also learn that someone is only willing to spend time with them or listen to them if they can pay for it. If you don’t pay, you don’t get anybody’s time. 

Nobody wants to be lonely. Everyone needs to feel love and connection with other people. For some, it is really difficult to find people that they truly connect with. Turning to this kind of temporary satisfaction, however, only leads to more pain and a warped sense of true affection. While it is true that love looks different for everyone, real love doesn’t require any kind of compensation or payment and anything that does is just a temporary fix for a much deeper need.

This week, take some time to reflect on what love looks like to you. How do you see real, unconditional, non-transactional love in your life? Feel free to comment your thoughts below!