What Does Good Listening Look Like?
We started our communication series a few months ago by talking about the communication process. If you missed that post you can go back and read it here: https://www.timbelo.com/work-blog/what-is-good-communication For the second part of our series, we are talking all about listening!
Learning to listen can be a powerful tool that can make you a better teammate, friend, and leader. Here is a simple guide all about learning to listen more effectively.
What is listening?
Listening is more than hearing. Listening is absorbing information and seeking to understand it. How many times have you been on your phone or computer while talking to someone? Were you really listening? How much of what they said did you really absorb?
The actual definition of listening is "give attention to sound or action" Listening is an action word. You might not think of listening as active, but it is. You have to give your attention to what you are listening to.
How do you become an attentive listener?
1
set aside distractions
The first step to giving more attention to listening is to set aside all distractions. While scrolling through social media, texting, watching tv, or driving when having a conversation with someone might be more convenient, it can be detrimental to the conversation. You can't give your attention to the conversation at hand if your mind is somewhere else. Set aside your phone, tv remote, or whatever else might distract you in order to focus on what person in question is saying to you.
Not only will this show the person you're talking to that you care about them and what they have to say, but it will also help you focus on the conversation and remember more of what is said. If you aren't able to put aside you're distractions, there is nothing wrong with having the conversation at another time when you can be more attentive.
2
understand the goal
Another way to be an attentive listener is to find out what the other person hopes to gain from the conversation. Part of being a good listener is knowing how best you can listen.
What does that mean? Well, there are a lot of reasons for someone to want your ear. Someone could want your advice, hope to gain your sympathy, want you to solve a problem, or (more often than not) only want you to listen and be there for them. Finding out the goal of the conversation will make it a lot easier for both parties.
If you know why that person wants to talk with you, you can find the best way to listen. If someone only wants to talk with you because they had a bad day and need to talk about it, it wouldn't be helpful to give them advice on being more positive or what you would have done in the situation. A lot of times not knowing what the other person wants or not trying to understand what they want is how conversations can go awry. Finding out what they need from you can be a simple as asking a question during the conversation. "Do you want my advice?" "How can I help?" "What do you need from me?" Asking the person a question like this gives them the power to choose how you can best help them.
3
actually listen
Finally, you need to actually listen. Now that your distractions are set aside you and you know what that person needs from you, you need to focus on what they are saying.
There are a few great ways you can show the other person that you are paying attention:
Make eye-contact: Maintaining eye-contact will show the other person that they are your sole focus; it also shows you care.
Don't interrupt: Refrain from jumping in and adding to what the other person is saying. Wait until they are finished with what they have to say.
Don't be self-centered: Don't turn the conversation around to be all about you. Use this time of listening to understand the person you are talking to. You won't understand the other person and what they are saying if you are focused on yourself.
While this is not an exhaustive post on listening, we hope that it can be a jumping-off point in your journey to becoming a better listener.
Remember listening is more than hearing; it is actively giving someone your attention and seeking to understand. If this post helped you, don't forget to share it with your coworkers and friends! Let us know your thoughts in the comments.
